I’ve seen more changes in the workplace over the past few years than I’ve seen in my 30 years as an executive coach. I saw a stat recently that 25% of U.S. companies operate on a hybrid work model. For many that’s great news on so many fronts. For many it’s added a layer of disconnection and friction between managers and teams. More friction often leads to the need for less-than-comfortable colleague conversations.
Most of us want good relationships at work. We hope that having strong relationships will inspire great results.
We’re just not approaching these important conversations in the right way. That’s where me and my Resolution Management team come in! We’re asked by senior leaders to coach them on how to deal with performance issues, personnel conflicts, or providing constructive feedback that leads to behavioral change. Taking the reins and managing these conversations are crucial to obtaining the positive changes you seek and to maintaining a healthy and productive work environment. And let’s not forgot that your job satisfaction and morale requires it.
Here’s a great example: We were invited to work with the President of a university to support her leadership growth in her new role. One of Paula’s greatest challenges… dealing with a current VP who also interviewed for the job but was not selected. Cheryl had been with the university for 20 years, is well connected and expected to be selected for the President position. Resentful, Cheryl undermined Paula’s leadership in subtle yet powerful ways. This resulted in tons of tension, a toxic environment and a less productive Cheryl. Leadership coaching by RM gave Paula a new perspective. She received effective strategies and role play practice for several impending, difficult conversations. Ultimately, she was better equipped to deal with this delicate situation and was able to address the “elephant in the room” and strengthen the relationship with a valued staff member.
And now you will be too. Here are some tried and true techniques to use for your next tough discussion.
Identify What’s Holding You Back
First things first — understand what you’re afraid of. Are you worried about your colleague’s reaction? Do you think that the conversation might escalate into conflict? These fears are natural but often exaggerated. The goal is not to avoid discomfort but to address issues constructively. By identifying what you’re afraid of, you can better prepare for the conversation. Here’s a video with more insights. Which brings us to…
Prepare for the Conversation
Preparation is key to handling difficult conversations with confidence. Key steps to get you ready for the conversation include:
- Carefully Choose the Timing and Setting
Choose a time and place that’s comfortable for both sides. The setting can significantly influence the tone of the conversation. For instance, a meeting in your office may feel formal and authoritative, while a conversation over coffee creates a more relaxed atmosphere. Decide what tone you want to set and select a location accordingly. Watch this video for more tips. - Anticipate Possible Reactions
Think about how your colleague might react. Will they be defensive, angry, or open to feedback? Anticipating their response helps you prepare emotionally and strategically. It allows you to stay calm and composed, even if the conversation takes an unexpected turn. - Craft Your Message
Decide what you want to say and how you’ll say it. I’m not recommending that you script the entire conversation. Instead, pull together a few bullet points to help you stay on track. Be clear, concise, and tactful in your communication. Remember, the goal is to be constructive, not confrontational. With this little bit of preparation, you’ll feel more in control and confident. - Define Your Objective
What do you want to achieve from this conversation? Do you want the colleague to take specific action? Are you looking to change their perspective or behavior? Having a clear objective will help guide the conversation and ensure it’s productive. Watch this short video for more tips.
Employ Effective Phrases
Use language that’s both assertive and empathetic. For example, instead of saying, “You always miss deadlines,” try, “I’ve noticed there have been a few instances where deadlines were missed, and I’d like to understand why.”
It’s just as important what you DON’T say.
- Don’t rush to fill the silence. Pausing allows both you and your colleague to reflect on what’s been said. It shows that you’re thoughtful and considerate.
- Focus on listening rather than just hearing. Listening is an active process that involves concentrating on what the other person is saying and responding thoughtfully. Show that you’re engaged by paraphrasing their points or asking clarifying questions. This not only demonstrates respect but also ensures that both parties are on the same page. Watch this for more tips!
Control Your Emotions
Managing your emotions is critical in difficult conversations. By preparing for the conversation, you’re already a step ahead in controlling your emotional responses. Recognize your triggers and practice coping strategies like deep breathing or pausing before responding.
Difficult conversations don’t have to be dreaded conversations. With the right preparation, mindset, and strategies, these interactions can be navigated with pure confidence and grace. The goal is not just to address issues but to build stronger, more effective working relationships.
Mastering the art of difficult conversations isn’t just about resolving conflicts—it’s also crucial for fostering a culture of open communication and mutual respect.
Contact us to get more information on in-person and virtual training sessions to learn and practice skills to master the art of difficult conversations.
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